D-day! The journey begins

I've decided to revisit my blog. I think the things I'm sharing and experiencing could be meaningful and helpful to my children in the future. I started journals for each of the kids so that I can write personal things to them, but this will be a different side of things. The day to day side of things.
Here we go:
August- began coughing. A dry cough, with no fever, cold or other symptoms. I thought nothing of it.
September- cough becomes more persistent and Lewis keeps telling me to get to the doctor. I knew they would give me an allergy medicine or antibiotic, and since I was nursing I would do neither. So why bother?
October - cough is annoying me and effecting my sleep. I am now noticing back pain, as well as a pain around my heart. I make a dr. appointment by the end of the month. Was given an allergy medicine (which I didn't take) and an inhaler.
November - I'm getting worse. Cough is horrible. I can't even have a conversation now. I try the inhaler. It doesn't really make a difference. I call the dr. again and this time I asked for the chest X-ray  he had mentioned, and blood work. I get a call that same day. I have pneumonia. Can't avoid the
antibiotics. He also mentioned that both he and the radiologist thought it strange that a young healthy woman would have two occurrences of pneumonia within two years of each other, and he would like me to see a pulmonary specialist. I agreed and requested I be sent to Stanford (just in case it was something serious).
   My appointment was made for January 7th. My doctor followed up with them and told them they needed to see my NOW. I had an appointment the next day. Met with a Dr. Kahzeni. She thought I had valley fever and was wondering why I was even there. I didn't LOOK sick. So I get it, but I thought her rude and unhelpful.
    She strung me along for two weeks with tests to see if I had valley fever that all failed. Finally she said she would have to do a bronchoscopy. That didn't sound like a good time to me, but I was getting desperate to know what was wrong with me. I was feeling pretty crummy by now with very little
energy and a horrible cough. Cancer crossed my mind... Nah! That's crazy!
  Lucky for me Kahzeni doesn't do Broncs. So I was turned over to Dr. Sung. He immediately ordered a CT scan. He wondered why it had not been done before this? Then, depending on the results, he would order the bronc.
December -  Lewis and I headed to Stanford on December 3rd and started the day with a CT scan with contrast. By the time we made it to the Doctors Office he had seen the scan and ordered the bronc. When we met with him he was very nonchalant. He knew... He had to, But he didn't want to believe what he saw till he knew for sure.
    He cancelled a meeting to get me in sooner. I had the Bronchoscopy at noon. It was awful! I was coughing of course and then began gagging on the scope they had down my throat. I kept telling myself that I can breath even though it felt like I couldn't and just stay calm. The Doctors were really nice and reassuring. I still had no idea.
     While I was in recovery, Dr. Sung shared his suspicions of cancer with, Lewie. He told him that if I wasn't 34 he would say its cancer. Lewis cried and told him "you don't understand. She is the love of my life! We have four kids. She CAN'T have cancer!" The doctor cried with Lewis.
   When Lewis came in to see me I was all smiles, but he was fighting tears. "They're looking into the possibility that it's cancer." He said. I was fairly unfazed. "let's not worry about it until we know for sure."  Looking back now I would not have been so calm if I had been putting the pieces together.
   Unbeknownst to me they had put a rush on my biopsy. They said from here they wanted me to head over to get an ultrasound because there was fluid around my heart and they wanted to be sure it was functioned properly before they send us home. Then we would meet back at the office to discuss the results. I was hoping I wouldn't be hospitalized.
   One of the doctors personally escorted us to the ultrasound. I thought nothing of it but Lewis was wondering why they were being so helpful.
    When we arrived back at the doctors office things were pretty dead. It was well after 5pm now and probably getting close to 6pm.
    When the doctors came in Dr. Sung sat knee to knee with me before he said, " this isn't going to be easy to hear... It's Cancer.".
    I was aware of Lewis crying next to me as he tightly held my hand. I stoically was taking in the information:
Surgery was not an option, my treatment would be chemo.
It was also found in my lymph nodes.
My heart was functioning fine so no worries there.
There would be more tests on Thursday,  a PET scan and brain MRI.
Friday I would meet my oncologist.
Don't google anything!
   They also asked about our support system and faith, saying this helped my odds. He also mentioned the possibility of my cancer being part of a mutation that would then just be treated with a pill. Sounding promising, we would hope for that.
   They reassured us that they were there to help us with anything they could. Was there anything?
   At this point the information stopped coming. I think this is when my tears began. When the word, "Cancer" was mentioned, My immediate thought was, "Struck down, but not destroyed". It kept coming to me as if God himself was near, whispering into my ear. And he was near. As He always has been.
    I told them I would fight hard, and do whatever it took to beat this. I had four little reasons at
home ...
    Diagnoses day was dubbed D-day. But the week wasn't over. There was more to come.