I neglected to add an important and special part of the day on December 5th.
While waiting to go in for the PET scan, I pulled out my Trust devotional by Lydia Brownback. I was given this book back in October,and had been enjoying it, so I brought it along. I opened the little book up to the devotion that was next in line. It was titled, "The Goodness of God.".
"The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made." Psalm 145:9. It starts out talking about this woman's fear of not getting married and her struggle to trust God with it. It wasn't until I was halfway through the devotion that it grabbed me. Lydia says, " If we struggle to trust God, it's because at some level we don't really believe he is good." I was now fully engaged and HEARING. She goes on, "If you are trusting something besides God to keep you safe and to make you happy, you are probably doubting God's goodness. Such doubts gain a foothold in our hearts when God doesn't act the way we think he should or the way we expect that he will.
But God often acts contrary to how we think a good God should act. The answer we think we need seems so logical and clear to our way of thinking, yet God does not provide it. That is where faith comes in. Real faith isn't the belief that God will do a particular thing; real faith is the conviction that God is good, no matter what he does and however he chooses to answer our prayers. God always has our best in mind, and he works to bring it about, no matter how it may look initially to our way of thinking.
You can trust him because he is good. And that goodness can be found---right now, today---in the very thing that you are so anxious about. Will you trust him? Will you believe he is being good to you? He is."
Wow! God had my attention. I knew that trusting God didn't mean believing that he would heal me. This little devo summed it up. Trusting God is believing he is good even if he doesn't. Trusting in God is trusting he is good no matter what, not thinking that he should or will do whatever I ask him to do.
I knew God could heal me, but I wasn't sure if he would. That made me fear. Fear for my kids and husband. What would they do? However, trusting in Gods goodness, brings peace. Peace that he is holding them in his powerful, gentle, and loving hands, just as he is holding me.
I was amazed, as I would be many times over, for his timing in giving me what I needed before I even realized it. That's God. For instance, when I shared with my cousin, Laura how meaningful this gift had been to me. She told me that she had prayed for wisdom and Gods direction on which one to choose for me; Joy, Purity, or Trust? She felt God prompting her to give the "Trust" one to me. She struggled with that because she didn't think that was the one I would enjoy the most. But God knew... And so Laura listening to his prompting and gave me the trust devotional. I've been so grateful that she did.
I went into my PET scan feeling cheery and chipper. Quite a contrast from my sad tears earlier that morning as we traveled 132. I would need this truth tomorrow as the results of this scan, I was
preparing to do, was revealed to us. I was resolved to remember what I had read today to matter what came tomorrow.